I’m almost thirty and have no work experience. I knew the path to a fulfilling career in the arts wouldn’t be easy. But I didn’t realize it would be near impossible.
I dabbled in creative writing for a while, writing a two-hundred-page book of carbohydrate smut called For the Love of Bagels…. At any moment I can pull the trigger and self-publish at two-hundred-page book of sexually explicit sentences about bagels. And I know someone somewhere will buy it. But, I can’t tell if I’ll be accepted or shunned by the Jewish community so I’ve tabled it.
Holed up in my apartment, writing, I realized was stifling my creativity. I needed to get in touch with the people. So, I became a professional People Walker in Boca. They say to set yourself up for success, you must manifest the life you want. So, I manifested an early retirement, moving to a retirement community at twenty-seven. Could I afford to retire? No. Did the lifestyle fit my temperament? Yes.
One of the ladies I took for People Walks in the retirement community taught me how to knit (and cheat at Bingo). And that’s when I got the brilliant idea for my now thriving Etsy business: Handcrafted Knitted Penis Warmers ™. I made ones with hoodies and different patterns. The knitted thongs with pouches for balls allow for a nice breeze. Now, all the men at Grassy Oaks Retirement Villa wear them (and nothing else)… It’s not a pretty picture. But my Etsy store was a success!
I took a vacation with my Knitted Penis Warmer money to the Big Apple, where I discovered my next passion, bagels. I tasted the best bagel of my life and had an epiphany: Bagel Bras ™. I moved to the city and started making them but didn’t sell any before my parents cut me off. Creative genius is always misunderstood. I’m now the black sheep of the family. They left me with no choice but to eat my inventory to survive.
That’s when I got on TikTok, talking about my new Freegan lifestyle: dumpster diving for food. Turns out homeless chic is in. If you’re not familiar, Freeganism is an attack on consumption, a critique of consumerism… Adopting this philosophy is quite convenient when you can’t afford to consume. “Working sucks! Where does all your money go? To feed corporate greed.” “If you are an anti-capitalist, what better way to protest the economy than withdrawing from it and never using money?”Of course, I didn’t mention I didn’t have any money. I stuck it to the man and went VIRAL.
See, life has a way of working itself out if you follow your passions. And now for only $165 a month you can take my Masterclass on honing YOUR creativity. Link in Bio!! Unlock all my secrets to success in this once in a lifetime opportunity: my Masterclass. So, you can finally move out of your parents' basement and be successful (being homeless: #Freegan).
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